This is me
And this is my girlfriend
A while ago I had a thought: There is a small possibility that my girlfriend may be marginally more attractive than me. Obviously, I initially dismissed this as a momentary lapse in judgement but, after many a sleepless night, I finally accepted the truth.
But today it all changed. On my way to work I saw a short, dumpy, shamefully ugly woman strolling hand in hand with a a 6'4'' adonis. Suddenly I realised, I am not alone. There are others out there like me, walking day in day out in the aesthetic shadow of their significant other. And boy did it make me feel good.
So I made a declaration:
From this day forth I Ben Samuel will, tirelessly and unswervingly, using all means available to me, track down each and every soul on this planet who is punching above their weight. So help me God.*
*I'm not religious, I just realise this is an unfeasibly large project, and could do with a bit of divine intervention. Amen.