Elton John and David Furnish

I really don't like Elton John. There, I said it. Maybe it's because he sings with a fake American accent. Maybe it's because he spends more money on flowers than I'll earn in my life. Maybe it's because he rejected the unwritten man-rule of Male Pattern Baldness (shave hair, grow stubble, possibly invest in arty glasses). Whatever it is, I just don't like him. If you let him sing at my funeral I guarantee I'll haunt you.

Nonetheless, I still reckon he could do better than David Furnish. If only for the reason that David's face looks like a 2D mask. Hell, it's not the biggest problem in the world, but if I was worth a hundred and seventy million quid it's not something I'd put up with.

Thus, David Furnish, you are punching above your weight.

NB. Have you ever thought its a little odd that Elton John hires someone to write his lyrics, yet they are still utterly awful. For example 'If i were a sculptor, but then again no, or a man who makes potions in a travelling show'. I mean, seriously?